Channeling my inner Carrie...

With my macbook at my fingertips, and my head and heart full, my inner Carrie Bradshaw is making it's first appearance and I'm making my way into the blog world.  

I've been pondering the idea for a while, but something in my head has been holding me back... every time I've sat down in front of my laptop, I've choked. Not this time... I've got too much on my mind.  I feel like the past few weeks of my life have come straight from the TV (the only channel being the Soap Opera Network, and it's a "Young & the Restless" Marathon). 

Like my mother and my sister, I've always been a giver. Although I've never been able to be as selfless as those two, but I think that will come with motherhood (and that's something that's definitely not in the cards for me anytime soon, so I will just have to deal for a while). I like to do things for other people. I like to make people laugh and smile and will do anything that I can for anyone, that's just me. But these days, I think I need someone here to do that for me for a while. I miss my family so much. I think they would help. I wish I could go home and visit more often, or that they could come here. There are two beautiful little girls there, that hold my heart, and can always bring a smile to my face: my nieces, Emma and Anna.

 Not to discard anyone else (don't be upset, mom.), but they can always make me smile even when all I wanna do is cry or be angry. I need more of them in my life. I need more smiling; less tears, less anger, LESS STRESS.

I've learned so much about myself, though.  Each day has presented a new test: a battle, an experience, decisions to be made, and questions to be answered.. all of which that require more and more thought and energy, and I'm spent. I'm not gonna let it get me down anymore, though. I'm heading into my Senior year with a smile. I'm kicking my feet back, taking in the fresh air, slowing down to smell all the flowers, and breathing deeply. I deserve it.