Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Love remembers.

4:25 a.m. and I've awoken in intense tears. A dream turned nightmare that has been recurrent for several months or so. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since you left last Saturday. and even more so before then. I love you and I miss you so much, you have no idea. "How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you."--- nearly brought me to tears tonight at work. I can't stop thinking about it. Oh, how I pray for full circle. It killed me when you bent down to roll up my jeans for me so they wouldn't get soaked in the rain, and then held my hand walking so I wouldn't fall. I miss our innocence. When you used to make you scratch your back for a whole hour, just so I could watch America's Next Top Model or Queer Eye, or whatever ridiculous reality show I was obsessed with. I miss listening to you go on and on about oil filters or carbon fiber or some stupid scientific crap that I had no interest in, and just smiling at you and loving the fact that you were so incredibly smart. I want you back in my life. Because Love remembers. I miss the little surprises. you making me noodles bc you made them best... driving in your ridiculously loud redneck car bc you love it so much... the look on your face whenever you got excited about something... i need to stop crying and go back to sleep. But Love remembers. Do I need to try to forget? bc I don't want to. I'm gonna give it to God.